Anniversaries and Exes
by Eira-Jackson
Summary: On the anniversary of her mother's death, Nic forces herself to pretend everything's ok. That is, until she's forced to face the one person who sees through her. Cross posted to AO3


Nic sat in the car playing with her necklace absent-mindedly. She was trying to work up the courage to get out of her small metal safe haven and go do her job. Save lives – it was what she was good at.

But today wasn't just another day. It was the anniversary of the moment that fate had cruelly stolen the one person who had meant more than anything else from her. It was a reminder of the day that had led to the downward spiral of her sister. The day where she had had to step up and fill shoes that had been much too big for her 13-year-old self and take care of a father and a sister left behind.

It was the anniversary of her mother's death.

She took a deep breath and placed her head on the steering wheel and, just for one moment, let the pain course through her body before composing herself. Nicolette Nevin was a good nurse and she wouldn't let anything distract her from doing her job. No matter how hard it would be.

"Hey Nic, have Mr Andrews' labs been sent over yet?" Devon's voice broke through Nic's reverie, startling the blonde nurse. She shook her head to force herself to focus before answering.

"Uh, no. Not yet. Think they're pretty swamped at the moment. I'll let you know the minute we get them," she forced a smile and hoped that Devon wouldn't see through the pathetic façade she was putting on.

"Great, thanks," the first year smiled at her before turning to deal with another patient once more leaving Nic alone at the desk. She placed her head in her hands and groaned.

"Bad day?" she looked up with a start to see Jude leaning against the desk and staring down at her with a small smirk on his face. Nic ran her hands through her hair as she sat up.

"You could say that again," she said, again forcing a smile. Her eyes flickered to the clock on the wall and she counted down the minutes until her shift was over and she could go home and drown her sorrows in memories of her mother.

"Wanna talk about it?" Jude asked. He stepped closer and Nic had to stop herself from moving back. She opened her mouth to respond before catching sight of the one person she didn't want to see or talk to at all on today of all days – the only one in this place who knew what today was – over Jude's shoulder.

"Thanks but I'm okay. Have a lot of patients to attend to but I appreciate the offer," she said before picking up her tablet and walking in the opposite direction of Conrad.

As Nic turned the corner she caught the concerned brown eyes of one Conrad Hawkins following her every move. Yep, she definitely had to stay away from him if she wanted to get through the day without any problems.

4 hours, 23 minutes and 45 seconds until her shift was over. She'd managed to avoid Conrad for the majority of her shift but it was far from over. The busyness of the ER had definitely helped with all doctors and nurses pushed to the limit. Ordinarily she'd hate a day like this where she barely had time to think let alone do anything else but today she relished it.

There was a lull in the hectic nature of her shift allowing her to refuel with coffee when her phone rang. She'd hoped to delay this conversation until she got home where she wouldn't have to worry about her colleagues seeing or overhearing, of course, she wasn't that lucky. Nic walked outside until she found a place where she would have relative privacy before answering.

"Hey daddy," she said in a small voice. Tears began to sting her eyes as she heard her father's broken smile in his voice as he spoke.

"Hey Nic-Nac, how you doing?" Nic's father had been broken by his wife's premature death. They all had but it hadn't been until Nic had first become a nurse that she had had some semblance of understanding about how difficult it must have been for him, being forced to be the rock for two little girls who had lost their mother right before the time when they would have needed her the most without showing just how fragmented her had become.

"I'm alright daddy. Today's never easy." Nic let out a shaky breath.

"No, kiddo. It's not." There was a small pause before her father spoke again. "Have you spoken to your sister today?"

"No I haven't had a chance. It's been pretty chaotic here today. I'll probably call her later," Nic replied. "Have you stopped by the grave yet? I'm sorry I couldn't be there today. I really wanted to."

"I know you would be kiddo so don't you apologise. I know how important your job is to you and I know you would've driven all through the night to get here if you could." Nic smiled at her father's words. "And hey, you should know that I am so proud of the woman you've become."

"I know daddy. I just wish mom was here to see it." Nic sighed as she looked up to the sky. It was getting closer to winter and the wind had picked up slightly since she'd moved outside.

"Me too, kiddo. Me too." Nic pulled her cardigan around herself to shield her from the cold chill in the air before responding.

"Look daddy, I have to get back to work but I'll call you tomorrow okay? Love you," her father repeated the sentiment before hanging up and Nic held the phone to her lips before closing her eyes tightly to prevent any tears from falling. They would have to wait.

"I thought I'd find you out here," Nic was starting to get annoyed with how easily she was being startled by doctors creeping up on her today and her annoyance only increased when she turned around and saw Conrad standing in front of her.

"Well, here I am. What do you want?" There was a part of Nic that knew she was behaving the exact way Conrad did whenever things got too personal but at that moment she really didn't care. Perhaps she was being hypocritical by closing herself off but it was the only way she knew how to cope. It was her job to be the rock for her patients.

"I wanted to see if you were alright," Conrad took a small step forward and Nic crossed her arms. He frowned as he recognised what she was doing. "Nic, come on. Don't shut me out."

Nic let out a humourless laugh. "You mean like you shut me out?" Conrad opened his mouth the say something but Nic pushed past him. He grabbed her arm and spun her round so she was facing him; they were so close their breaths had become one. She could see the concern in his eyes and for one moment, she allowed herself to feel the vortex of emotions that had been swirling inside her since the moment she'd woken. Conrad leant forward slightly to rest his forehead against Nic's and she let her hands fall onto his chest, feeling the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat.

Conrad's hands cupped her face as he lifted her head slightly to meet his gaze. "You don't have to go through this alone," he whispered. He bumped her nose gently with his and Nic felt the flutter in her chest – the constant reminder that no matter how hard she tried she would always love the stubborn man in front of her.

The moment of peace was cut short by the shrill sound of her pager in her pocket and Nic leapt out of Conrad's arms at its beeps.

"I have to go," she looked at Conrad one last time before turning and walking away. She ran a hand through her hair as she walked and shook her head gently to remind herself of where she was. There was no time for grief.

"Hey Nic, you coming for a drink?" the blonde turned her head at the sound of her name. She forced another smile on her face before declining the offer. After a day of pretending all she really wanted to do was go home. She walked out of the hospital and began to walk over to her car. She was so engrossed in her own thoughts she didn't realise the blonde man leant against it with his arms folded, a small smile playing at his lips, until she got within a metre of her car.

"I thought you could do with some company." Conrad said by way of a greeting. Nic paused for a moment, considering the offer. It surely wouldn't be a good idea to spend the evening of the worst day of her life with her ex but … there had always been something about Conrad that had calmed her down. Something that had made her feel that no matter what she said, no matter what she did, she would always be safe.

The blonde nurse felt tears stinging her eyes and she stepped forward into Conrad's arms, allowing herself to be enveloped by his strong embrace.

"Thank you," she whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek. She pulled away and got into her car, Conrad following, and drove the two back to her apartment.

The night was filled with Nic telling Conrad stories about her mother and the last thing she thought before she drifted off to sleep with Conrad's arms wrapped around her, her head on his chest, was that her mother would have loved Conrad Hawkins.


End file.
